Is the flying of the U.S. flag sacred to you? Our flag is a symbol of shining moments in the history of our country. It is a symbol of the patriots who died for our freedom and liberty. It is a symbol of our grand experiment in democracy. In general it is a symbol of the greatest nation on the face of the earth. When I see disrespect being shown for our flag my blood boils and I hope yours does too.

This manner of disrespect takes many forms. For example, it is illegal to fly a flag of another nation above the U.S. flag. Yet in 2007 a Mexican flag was seen flying above a U.S. flag at a bar in Reno, Nevada. During the inauguration of the Messiah and Anointed One, our make believe president and future Heisman Trophy winner, flags were made with his likeness superimposed. We see flags that are made into apparel – Kid Rock wore one at the 2004 Super Bowl. We see flags touching the ground. We see flags displayed upside down in protest of a wide range of grievances. Reverend Michael Pfleger, a devout Commie, flew a U.S. flag upside down outside his church in protest of violence in the Chicago streets. And we see flags flying at half-mast ordered by mayors out of respect for someone who has died. The mayor of Carson, California ordered the flag outside city hall lowered to half-mast when Michael Jackson died. There’s just one small problem. Only the president, governors and the mayor of Washington, D.C. can order a flag to be flown at half-mast.

According to the Associated Press a 90-year-old Medal of Honor winner had to fight his homeowner’s association who threatened to take legal action to force him to remove flag pole in his yard. Fortunately the public outcry was so loud that the association backed down. Unbelievable! The news is full of stories about disputes that arise involving the flying of our flag. I just can’t understand why anyone has an issue with a citizen who wishes to fly a flag as long as it is done properly

One thing that probably can get my blood to boil the fastest is to see a tattered flag that is being flown. Either the owner of that flag is a complete moron for not noticing its physical condition OR he’s a traitor who is trying to make some sort of a subversive statement. I have a 25-foot flagpole in my front yard. I fly a large U.S. flag and below it the flag of my beloved alma mater. The pole is lit so that I can properly fly the flag 24-hours a day. And I check regularly to make certain that the flag is in good shape. If it looks like the edges are starting to fray I pull it down immediately and replace it.

I hope you are as outraged as am I when you see someone desecrating our national symbol. Yes, they are certainly guaranteed the freedom under our Constitution to treat the flag however they wish, BUT we also have the freedom to get in their face and apply some friendly peer pressure to convince them to see the error in their ways. Don’t tread on our flag!

Perhaps you missed it. The Messiah and Anointed One, our make-believe president and future Heisman Trophy winner held a press conference the other day. Since the election of Scott Brown in Massachusetts no one is listening to the former community organizer any more so I am providing you with a transcript of the questions and answers.

Major Garrett (Fox News): “Mr. President, what else can the U.S. do to provide aid to the earthquake victims in Haiti?”

The Messiah: “Well Major, George Bush has left us with such an incredible mess that it’s taken me all of 2009 to even begin to straighten things out. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I give myself a grade of B+ for my performance to date.”

Chip Reid (CBS News): “Mr. President, how many troops do you expect to bring home during 2010?”

The Messiah: “Chip, that’s a great question. I cannot stress how bad the banks are in this country. Big banks = big bad. I think the banks ran our economy into the ground and I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I will tax them at a rate of 99.99%.”

Ann Compton (ABC News): “Thank you Mr. President – by the way I love your deep masculine voice. My question is this, where are you and the First Lady going to go for Valentine’s Day?”

The Messiah: “Ann, you are too kind with your remarks. Now to your question. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I want to say this – and let me be perfectly clear about this – for the eight years prior to my acsendency George Bush terrorized Muslims with waterboarding and harsh interrogations that caused us to lose our moral standing in the world.”

Steven Lee Myers (New York Times): “Mr. President, do you think the Federal Reserve should raise interest rates at any point in the near future?”

The Messiah: “Steven, let me just say this about that. George W. Bush and the big banks in this country conspired for eight years to discriminate against the people of New Orleans. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I am convinced that Hurricane Katrina occurred because Bush and the banks diverted money that was intended to go to strengthen the levees. Instead they used it to pay bonuses to crazed squirrel hunters.”

Helen Thomas (400-year-old Cadaver): “Mr. Wonderous and Omniscient President, why can’t there be more peace and love throughout the world?”

The Messiah: “Helen, you always ask such tough questions. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I have said this before that the Bush Administration, the big banks and Wall Street in general are completely and totally responsible for global warming and the shrinking polar ice caps.”

This went on for thirty minutes longer but I think you get the point.  

I have a good friend who is a cancer survivor. In the past few weeks, she blogged about her experience with her first mammogram. Those of us who are men can’t appreciate what women go through in the sometimes excruciating process of being administered a mammogram. But what’s worse is the waiting game that they must endure to get their results. My friend chronicled what thoughts go through the head of a cancer survivor, and my wife who has not had cancer confirmed what it’s like to wait and wonder for a week to ten days. 

Think about all of the other medical procedures that are performed as we grow older. When I had a garden hose shoved up my rear-end a few years ago (a procedure also known as a colonoscopy) the doctor told me immediately that I was clean as a whistle – literally and medically. I didn’t use an anesthetic so he was able to tell me during the procedure that he saw nothing. The same is true with an EKG.

What I don’t understand is why it takes so cotton-pickin’ long to be informed about certain types of medical results. Mammograms top the list. Blood work is right up there. If the quacks can look at an MRI image and tell me instantly where my rotator cuff is torn, why does it take them two weeks to tell me that my cholesterol has dropped 40 points (it hasn’t)? Yet, they can tell me before the pee in the cup I filled is cold, that the result is normal. I don’t understand.

I propose that medical professionals subscribe to Dr. Pistoph’s Patient’s Bill of Rights. Here it is:

1.     Never will a patient be left wondering about the results from any sort of test that could involve a life or death issue. Instead, the physician will provide the results before the patient leaves the office or clinic. This means the physician or clinic may need to purchase some additional equipment in order to meet this deadline. Yeah, it may be expensive so you’ll just have to wait to buy that third yacht.

2.     And while we’re at it, no patient will have to wait more than five minutes beyond his or her appointment time before being seen. Oh, and this doesn’t mean being stuck in an exam room in a backless paper gown for 30 minutes.

3.     Physicians will spend the money necessary to purchase newfangled scanning equipment that does not require crushing a woman’s boobs, shoving unmentionable things up a woman’s hoo-ha, or sticking a probing finger up a man’s bungus.

There, I’m glad that’s cleared up.

This text is from a county emergency manager in the western part of the Upper Peninsula of Michigan after a severe snow storm and was printed in The Mining Journal in Marquette, Michigan.

Up here in the Northern part of Michigan we just recovered from an historic event . . . may I even say a “Weather Event of Biblical Proportions” . . . with an historic blizzard of up to 44 inches of snow and winds to 90 miles per hour that broke trees in half, knocked down utility poles, stranded hundreds of motorists in lethal snow banks, closed ALL roads, isolated scores of communities and cut power to tens of thousands.

FYI. Obama did not come. FEMA did nothing. No one howled for the government. No one blamed the government. No one even uttered an expletive on TV. Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton did not visit. Our mayors did not blame Obama or anyone else. Our governor did not blame Obama or anyone else. CNN, ABC, CBS, FOX or NBC did not visit or even report on this Category Five snow storm. Nobody demanded $2,000 debit cards. No one asked for a FEMA trailer house. No one looted. Nobody and I mean nobody demanded the government do something. No one expected the government to do anything either.

No Larry King, no Bill O’Reilly, no Oprah, no Chris Matthews and no Geraldo Rivera. No Sean Penn, no Barbra Streisand, no Brad Pitt – no Hollywood types to be found. Nope, we just melted the snow for water and sent out caravans of SUVs to pluck people out of snow-engulfed cars. Truck drivers pulled people out of snow banks and didn’t ask for a penny. Local restaurants made food, and the police and fire departments delivered it to the snow bound families. Families took in the stranded people – total strangers.

We fired up wood stoves, broke out coal oil lanterns or Coleman lanterns. We put on an extra layer of clothes because up here it is “work or die.” We did not wait for some affirmative action government to get us out of a mess created by being immobilized by a welfare program that trades votes for ‘sittin at home’ checks. Even though a Category Five blizzard of this scale is not usual, we know it can happen and how to deal with it ourselves.

Is anyone in New Orleans listening? How about you jokers in Washington, D.C.?

What do you normally see when you go to the beach? Beautiful water with the waves gently lapping onto the shore? White sand as soft as baby powder and sea shells as far as the eye can see? There may be a seagull or a pelican floating nearby looking for a small fish to gobble. The sun is a brilliant golden orb trailed by a few wisps of orange and pink clouds. Ah, life is good. But then you see it. A mere glimpse is enough to cause you to go blind. Yes boys and girls, I’m talking about one of the worst forms of sight pollution to be found on the face of the earth.

The sight pollution to which I’m referring is the numerous people who think they look like a top model strutting around in a Speedo or a bikini. Except that they don’t look at all like the top models you or I might normally picture. Instead they look like a 1:10 scale model of the Titanic. Seriously, these are people who absolutely shouldn’t be exposing so much of their skin in public.

Look, Dr. Pistoph has packed on a few pounds over the years and even though I work out regularly, I wouldn’t dream of being seen in the costumes that some people wear to the beach. It’s not uncommon to see humongous bellies (male and female) drooping down over the top of the banana hammock or bikini – love handles jiggling all the way. Often you can get a bird’s eye view of cellulite-ridden thighs the size of 100-year old oak trees. Honest, I’m not trying to step on anyone’s toes here – but God help us if one of these people were to step on your toes. You could end up in the emergency room.

I’ll be the last person to make fun of someone because they are overweight. That’s just downright cruel. But, when someone has an obvious issue it’s offensive to others to be forced to look at the skimpy beach attire that leaves nothing to the imagination. Because frankly what I see isn’t anything I want to imagine. And with all due respect, the Europeans are the worst offenders. Spend some time in the Caribbean or South Florida and listen to the languages spoken by the beachcombers.

So as usual, I have a solution to this mammoth problem. If you don’t have a perfect body (I sure don’t) then be a bit more modest with what you wear on the beach. There’s no need to let it all hang out. Or, as an alternative, go strut your stuff . . . but do it on a European beach. You’ll be right at home.

This is such B.S. – total and complete. Damn near every instruction manual for an appliance, electronic device, toy that must be assembled – you name it; is written in English AND Spanish. When we dial phone numbers to talk to someone at many companies across this land we have to press 1 for Spanish or 2 for English.

When I suggest that people who live in this country should speak English, the Commies who have infiltrated our populace go nuts. They can’t believe that someone might despise and detest this experiment gone awry that is called “multiculturalism.” I have no problem if a person can speak Spanish, Russian, German or Martian. I just think they should be fluent in English as well. Is this too much to ask?

I’ll be the first to tell you that I have no issue with those who come here from other countries legally. They want a better way of life and to work in this country all of which I wholeheartedly support. But why should I have to alter my lifestyle to accommodate the fact that someone living in my country has chosen not to learn my language? Now we have schools that are coddling students who are not from the US of A. They are given their assignments in Spanish or their native language rather than being required to immediately learn English.

I resent the enablers in this country who think it’s just peachy to let illegal aliens come to our cities and towns, send their kids to our schools (free of charge), use our hospitals and medical facilities (free of charge), receive food stamps (free of charge), reside in our prisons (free of charge), and work without paying taxes (some do, many don’t) and not speak English. What is wrong with this wacky picture? These people (the Commie enablers and the illegal aliens) are just fine with shaking me down for my hard-earned cash to pay for practically everything they consume and then they thumb their nose at me and can’t even thank me in my native tongue.

Is there no hope? Perhaps there’s a way to reverse this trend. This bilingual nonsense is causing global warming. Whooaahhhh! I just saw some Lefty ears perk up. So listen up you bleeding hearts. If these manuals were written only in English think about the number of trees that could be saved. Political correctness is killing trees and causing global warming. Also, translating English into Spanish and vice versa means that more carbon dioxide is being expelled in the process. This increases the carbon footprint of the translators and causes global warming. So how about it you whacko morons? Ready to make the illegal aliens learn English or do you want Greenland to melt and fall into the ocean? Think about it. Sounds like a good plan to me.

What are you afraid of? I was on the Internet recently and came across a web site that identified the top 10 phobias that people have. First is arachnophobia or the fear of spiders. Second is social phobia – some people are terrified of what other people think of them in a social setting. This probably includes speaking in public. Third is aerophobia which is the fear of flying. Agoraphobia is fourth. This is a fear of being in a place or situation where escape or help may not be available if one has a panic attack. Everyone knows about claustrophobia the fifth one.

Acrophobia or the fear of heights was sixth. This next one I’ve never heard of . . . emetophobia. This is the fear of vomit. I am serious as a heart attack. There are actually people walking around who are afraid to puke. Phobia number eight is carcinophobia or the fear of cancer. Number nine is brontophobia which is the fear of thunderstorms. And finally, number ten is necrophobia or the fear of death.  

So then I went to another web site and found the ten most bizarre phobias. Ithyphallophobia is the fear of erections. Are you kidding me? Ephebophobia is the fear of young people. I can see a grain of truth to this one especially when I get a glimpse of what some of today’s kids look like. Coulrophobia is a fear of clowns. Ergaslophobia is the fear of work. Gymnophobia is the fear of nudity. How would you like to work in a strip club and have this fear? Neophobia is the fear of newness and paraskavedekatriaphobia (no joke) is the fear of Friday the 13^th. Panphobia is the fear of everything. People with this fear are seriously messed up. Luposlipaphobia is, and I quote, “the fear of being pursued by timber wolves around a kitchen table while wearing socks on a newly-waxed floor.” Gary Larson, creator of the Far Side comics invented this fear.

After a lot of soul searching over an adult beverage or three, I determined what I’m afraid of. I’m actually ashamed to admit that I have this phobia. I’ve tried to get help for it but to no avail. I keep playing the scene over and over in my head. Maybe some of you will have a solution for me. I’m told that the best way to overcome such a fear is to face it head on and place myself in the situation I’m afraid of over and over again until the fear is gone. Oh, by the way the scientific name for my fear is . . . hotnakedwomenstrippingoffallmyclothesaphobia.  

 

If you have to die, 2010 is the year to do it. Many of you know that the Bush tax cuts in 2001 included a gradual phasing out of the estate tax or more properly called the death tax. To get the overall tax cuts implemented, the Administration and the Congress agreed that in 2011 the death tax would be reinstated. The thought at the time was to get the lion’s share of the tax cuts in place immediately and then go back and work to make the elimination of the death tax permanent. Well, you know what happened. The Republicans never got off their duffs and got it done and then the Communists came into power.

What totally chaps my finely toned and alluring rear end is the fact that we’ve already been taxed once on our money. Then, when we die our estate gets taxed again. The Communists say that it’s only right that this happens. After all, our heirs didn’t earn the money in the first place. The Commies think that it’s a windfall for inheritors to receive anything at all and so the government should be entitled to its take. I’d like to advance a novel argument that goes the other way. It’s taxation without representation. If I die and then my estate is taxed, I’m not around to represent myself, so it’s taxation without representation. But for the sniveling weasels on the Left it’s just another way to redistribute the wealth.

Why is it that the Commies always want to mess with other people’s money? Imagine what would have happened if the womanizing murderer Ted Kennedy had not inherited any of the wealth left to him by his father. Maybe he would have had to get a real job and actually earn a living instead of sponging off the family money. I guess the Lefties don’t have any problem if someone who marches to their tune inherits a lot of money. John Kerry (via his wife, Teresa Heinz-Kerry who inherited her money from her deceased husband), Jay Rockefeller and Herb Kohl are rolling in dough that they inherited. Maybe they have a case of the guilts – after all, they already got theirs and in their own minds probably think they didn’t deserve it.

Accumulating wealth is the American way, or at least it used to be. During our lives we pay taxes through the nose. When we die the estates that we have built should be allowed to pass to our heirs without any further taxation. Instead, lawyers and accountants are minting money helping devise strategies that enable us to reduce the amount of taxes we pay after we’re dead. And to complete the vicious cycle, the Commie re-distributionists can’t wait to get their grimy little hands on more of our dough to help fund the even bigger government that they covet. A bill should be introduced in the House yesterday to eliminate the death tax. And every politician who is opposed to this legislation should be forced to accept a 100% tax on every last nickel he or she has when the grim reaper comes knocking. What kind of crazy system is this?

I have been receiving notifications that a whole bunch of people are following me on Twitter. For this I am truly grateful. Anyone who wants to follow this blog is a gold-plated wonderful human being (even those who are Communists). But for the life of me, I don’t understand Twitter. So I did some research and it may interest you to learn how Twitter came about.

A young woman, Norma Jean Twitty, was talking to her mother on the phone a few years ago when her cat suddenly figured out how to open the door to her bird cage and quickly gobbled up her canary. Naturally Norma Jean was aghast at this occurrence and stuck the cat in the microwave for a “time out.” Fortunately she didn’t hit the “Start” button or else the cat would have been turned into a charcoal briquette.  But I digress.

Norma Jean decided then and there that she was going to do something to prevent cats from eating canaries in the future. Because she worked in a miniatures museum, Norma Jean had access to teeny tiny tools that could be used to make really small stuff. So she invented a small electronic device that could be attached to the leg of a canary. In the event that a cat was about to eat the canary, the device would activate by making a horrific tweeting sound that would presumably scare off the cat. She called this her “Twitter Alert.”

While marketing her “Twitter Alert,” Norma Jean Twitty was contacted by a sharp young computer geek who offered to keep her in stock with canaries for the rest of her life if she would allow him to license the device. She agreed. The computer guy made a few modifications to the concept, shortened the name to “Twitter” and the rest is history. All that said, I still don’t have a clue what the point to Twitter is. It seems to me that using it to scare away the cat probably is a more practical application.

The Messiah and Anointed One, our make-believe president and future Heisman Trophy winner has been in office for a full year now. So there’s been a lot of grading going on in the media these days. The President actually gave himself a B+ so it’s only appropriate that I too, grade his performance. And I actually am giving him an A+. But read on to see why.

Bowing to Dictators, Despots and Thugs – A+ (on form). No one can argue that he could have bowed any lower unless he actually got down on his knees. Of course for bowing in the first place he gets an “F-.”

Dismantling Our National Security – A+ (on actually accomplishing this). He is moving to shut down Gitmo; eliminate waterboarding; will be trying terrorists as criminals on U.S. soil (where our intelligence secrets may be publicly discussed); is telling the terrorists that we’ll be leaving Afghanistan in July 2011, and won’t get tough with Iran. Yes, if his objective is to make us less safe, he is absolutely hitting it out of the park. Now to those of us who think it’s important to actually strengthen our efforts for the War on Terror, he gets a big fat “F.”

For being more narcissistic than Bill Clinton – A+. How many of you have ever heard a president use the word, “I” as many times as this guy?

For teleprompter reading – A+. Sure, presidents in the past have used the teleprompter but not to the extent Obama uses his. What is amazing is the fact that so many Lefties think he is such a lofty orator when all he does is read everything he says.

For advancing the cause of socialism in this country – A+. No one can dispute the fact that this former community rabble rouser has done more to turn the United States into the United Soviet Socialist Republic than any other public figure in history. Those of us who believe in a free, capitalistic society will of course give him an “F-.”

Apologizer-in-Chief – A+. Wow, we’ve never had a president who apologized to so many people around the world for America being America. The current occupant of the White House has done yeoman’s work jetting around the world and telling other countries how sorry he is for the terrible misdeeds perpetrated by the USA.  

For having the most tax cheats, incompetents and Communists on his senior team – A+. Get a load of this. Only 8% of Obama’s cabinet appointees previously worked in the private sector. JFK had 30%; Jimmy Carter had 32% and Clinton had 39%. No Republican has come anywhere close to percentages this low.

So, in summary, the man with a wealth of real-world experience as a community organizer, state senator, U.S. senator (for about 20 minutes) and now president, has done much to earn his A+. Unfortunately we’re talking about running a country and not about high school or college. This president’s sophomoric performance by the standards of True Americans is so abysmal that an “F” is too good of a grade for him to receive. Hopefully in 2012 the voters will flunk him right out of office.