Like this:

I saw the first one over a year ago. Ever since, they’ve sprung up like mushrooms after a monsoon. I told Mrs. Pistoph when I observed the first one that more would be coming. And we would spend a fortune on them. You’ve seen them too. They are orange and green signs that proclaim, “Putting America to Work.” This is followed by the statement, “Project Funded by the American Recovery and Reinvestment Act (now known as the American Rip-off and Redistribution Act).”

So what’s the big deal about a sign, you ask? To answer this question you have to understand the genesis of the signs and the issues they represent. The signs wouldn’t have even been possible had it not been for the Porkulus legislation passed by the Commies in the Congress and signed by our Failed Make-Believe President. Our elected morons confiscated our cash; put us in hock for a whole lot more, and then created a bunch of make-work projects across the country to try and kick-start a moribund economy. Of course this initiative has been an abject failure – just has been our Failed Make-Believe President. But now salt has been poured into the wound. Twenty million of our precious tax dollars have been redistributed to the sign-making industry to create these horrible signs that we see on the make-work projects for which our tax dollars were stolen.

Sooooo, I’ve decided to start a sign-making company so I can get in on the action. And being a capitalist at heart I’ve already thought of a number of new ideas for signs that the government can buy from me. I mean, it’s not very original to post a sign on the resurfacing of a strip of perfectly good highway. Instead, there are many more innovative possibilities.

Here’s one. Let’s put signs outside every business in America and indicate the number of employees inside. The signs can then say for example, “527 Jobs Saved by the Messiah and Anointed One.” Here’s another. We can erect signs in front of every hospital and medical clinic in the country. They would be emblazoned with the words, “Your Friendly Local Purveyor of Marxist Medicine. Don’t Call Us, We’ll Call You.”

Along the Mexican border we’ll erect signs that say, “Bienvenidos!” (That means “Welcome” in Mexican). “Come and Use Our Schools, Hospitals, Food Stamps and Housing – Absolutely Free!!” And I know the Administration is going to want for us to make a couple hundred thousand of these. They will be posted along the Gulf of Mexico – about every 200 feet. The message? “Your Federal Government. Proudly Keeping America’s Beaches Pristine.”

There will only be one of these signs. “Attempting to Beautify America . . . One Botox Injection at a Time.” It will hang outside the office of House Speaker Nancy Peloser. I’d be in favor of spending $20 million to create a batch of signs that would be posted along every roadway, in every town, city and burg regardless of size. It would very simply exclaim, “Free Solar Energy Brought to You by the Good Folks in Washington, DC.”

But there’s one sign that is going to make me a gazillionaire. It’s a sure fire winner. We’ll make millions of them and install them in front of every federal facility, large and small. What will they say? “We’re Broke.”

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